Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Where's Wheeler? Concussed

It's been awhile since I've posted (This seems to be how all my blog posts start these days.) Anyway, I've just been waiting for something EXCITING to happen so I can update the world--like OMG! I've been chosen to be on What Not to Wear on TLC. To be truthful, I've subtly been putting out hints for several years now, sending photos of myself to friends, while exclaiming "Isn't this a FABULOUS outfit?" or "Don't these shorts look great?"
Example of Subtle Hint

Meanwhile, every time I went out in public, I would scope out my surroundings, trying to spy the hidden camera crew who at any moment would pop out and say, "Heeeeey. Your "friends" called and told us you look like shit! We're going to tell you everything that's wrong with you, but give you $5,000 so you feel better about covering up your flaws." And since I'm all about self-improvement, that sounded like a DREAM!
High-waisted Exercise Fashions

July 4th Fashions

Unfortunately not me, but desperately wishing it were

After way too many rehearsed responses (e.g., Starbucks Barista: "How's your day going?" Me: "Ok. But it could be better..." Starbucks Barista: "Yeah. I hear that." Me: "Like I said IT COULD BE BETTER..."), I decided to take matters into my own hands and cheat the system, entering myself, although the website says "Self-entries will not be accepted." But unfortunately, since I am a bit of rule follower, I never got past the first third of the application. I know, those who know my past as the Great Apple Thief of the West*, may beg to differ on the whole rule following, but in general, I'd say I like following rules.

In fact, I like rules so much that I make them for myself all the time (and break them, but then revise the rule). Here are some examples of rules of the past. No eating past 8:00 p.m. No showering until you exercise. No enjoying life. No blog posting until you have something exciting to write about. No racing my bike the rest of this year...Oh wait, I didn't make that rule, my doctor did. Yeah, I got four concussions from January 2012-June 2012, so my doctor advised that I take a couple of months to recover my head.

That's another reason I didn't blog for awhile. Honestly, I was so emotional and depressed and all over the map that I didn't want to commit to any of my words. You might have gotten posts about how sad I feel when I reach the bottom of a bowl of ice cream (I still feel extremely sad, but not enough to blog more than those few words about it.) or maybe how there's so much more to life than bike racing and looking good (Yeah right, we know that's NOT TRUE!), or maybe how in tough moments, the only way to get through is to really take an honest look at yourself, your season, your prep and figure out what you have control over and how you might do things differently to set yourself up for success. (I came up with about 4-5 things that I really botched this season--maybe I'll share soon.) Because honestly, I don't believe in 3-4 months of shit luck, but I do believe in changing the probability of success in your future. And yeah, I equate success with happiness so for me part of that is figuring out what will actually make me happy--which starts at figuring out the real reason I even race--which is mostly for the "Pro" label on Strava. What? Yeah, it's easy to judge when you don't have one. Oh, cmon. I'm joking. See now I've said too much. I have a concussion. None of these words have merit....droooooooooooooool.....drool....slurrrrp...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz......

*Great Apple Thief of the West--circa 2011, Enter grocery store, find cheapest apple code (usually red delicious or braeburns), get a bag of honeycrisp apples, walk around store reciting code (4-1-2-4, 4-1-2,4), use self checkout, enter memorized code, save $2-$3, leave with a guilty conscience and empathy for Winona Ryder. Note: This confession got me a reduced sentence.


  1. Ha! Honeycrisps are worth going to prison for. I just saw a full page Voler ad in Bicycling magazine with you all over it. That's almost as pro as your strava label. Take care of your noggin, Wheels!

    -P. Monteith